In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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