I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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