Sponge bath it is.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
