like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
