i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
