Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I am one with the molecules
pray to the hookup gods
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
