yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Randomize
