she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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