Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
