How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Randomize
