I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i just sent this text using only my big toe
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
