What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
