four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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