How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
