you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
