Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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