No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Randomize
