how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
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i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
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AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
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