Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
I see more hoeing in ur future
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