Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
He passed out mid-signature
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize