someone get that fucking seahorse.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
