I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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