in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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