its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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