I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
