I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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