Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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