She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Vodka?
Forever.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize