Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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