you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Shame is for Republicans.
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