I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
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