I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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