I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I need water and some morals
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
