jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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