Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize