FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
