that's an acceptable place to lick
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
