If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
