I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
