Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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