If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Screwed.edu
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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