hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Randomize
