I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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