if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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