she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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