i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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