Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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