About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
