you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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