Don't you send me to vm
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
