Will you blow on my dice?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
