On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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