It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
