I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
This is not my ceiling
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
