this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
You need a sexual gate keeper
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
