My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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