Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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