he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
