Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
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I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
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No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b