Ambien. No doubt about it.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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