I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
