Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
